Some days I get odd urges to look up random things, or not so random things. Today, for some reason I felt the need to look up information on other elven 'kin. Part of my problem is that I have no real memories to go off of. The reason I feel elven now is simply I have a few mannerisms that not only remind me of elves, especially those seen in movies, but seem to remind others of elves as well. I'm not just talking about other 'kin, but years before my awakening and before I knew what otherkin was I was often compared to an elf. Even in highschool I was told I was very fae in the way I reacted. My step-sister once told me on a camping trip that she expected me to to 'fly off at any moment', while I was hoping from stone to stone on a particularly uneven path. The librarian even went as far as to tell me that she thought I looked like the elves from The Lord of the Rings movie. Something about me just struck many people as being not quite of this world.
I've asked many people what it was about me that marked me as being so unusual, but no one could ever really answer. My college friend could only say it seemed like I was 'socialized in space'. I've gotten much better since then, being 'kin is no excuse to not be able to socialize with others normally, though I'm still a bit behind on that. The reason I got for all of this growing up was that I was raised by my grandparents, but I still don't completely buy that. The generation gap would do something, but I can't fathom how it would cause me to be so odd that people have trouble relating to me. After all, my odd behavior was extreme to the point where I was tested for all sorts of strange mental illnesses before I was ten years old. Where it was left off was I might or might not have a mild form of Aspergers, neurologists and psychologists are still not sure. I can't quite blame them though. I have taken every psychology class possible and the idea that mental illness is easy to diagnose or treat has been erased from my mind, especially after my abnormal psychology class.
I know some of the skeptics are wondering, even if you have a soul that is elven, what discussing it and acknowledging would do for me now. Aside from being able to easily learn from my past mistakes, and hopefully not repeat them it would help my come to terms with feeling so odd. The simple idea that I would be able to explain, even if only to myself how and why I am the way I am would make me feel better about myself. I don't quite care about most social norms, but the fact I have trouble socializing often bothers me. I do like talking to people, and the fact it is so hard for me to get close to people as a friend is a bit of a damper on my social life. The simple idea that I can pinpoint the parts of me that make me who I am would boost my self-esteem. It would also give me an idea on how to get around some of my issues due to being socially awkward. The past would help me build from where I have been, hopefully build a better future.
It is a bit late, so I will see you all later. Blessed Be and see you all later.
Shilo
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