Somewhere under the trees, that's the last place I found my sanity and stability. To be quite honest I do believe I left it there to wait until I am finished with this life. This life, and I do believe I have had a few, I am a rather open-minded elven re-incarnate looking for the right path in life to strike a balance between what I want and what I need.

To be quite honest, I do not intend to beat around the bush in terms of my self-identity as elven, or my confusion on my path to being more active with my spiritual life. Though neither of these aspects of my life form an even remotely complete picture of who I am this incarnation, and many people who know me are quite oblivious to how important they really are, I feel I would benefit from having a creative outlet where I can talk openly about both as they color my perspective of what is going on.

Though I expect many of you to understand the concept of otherkin, I don't think all of you would. For me, it is simply a few past memories that are more impressions than memories and a self-concept that maps more accurately to 'elf' than human. I have a limited understanding of the flow of time. Things tend to fly by me, like deadlines, dates and time itself. I rarely forget people but to me, it is not a big deal to not talk to some one for years, and then randomly pop up and go out to lunch.

As a pagan, I feel very much connected to a flow of magic (magic might not be the right word, maybe just energy) that goes way beyond what most people seem to think of as divinity. It is a web of inter-related creative energies that encompasses everything I see and everything I do. There are forces I would refer to as 'gods' in a sense, but nothing that would really map well onto a monotheistic religion. These gods have their jobs, and are very powerful, but none of them created reality. None of them seem to have even a fraction of the power it would have taken to create reality. Also, I do not, in a traditional sense, feel the need to worship any one of these gods, no mater how much I like them or appreciate what they do. When I do get back in the grove, I will most likely toast my espresso to the gods responsible for helping me get my life together.

This blog will be my incentive, and my log to help me get back into the groove of self-exploration as a pagan elven'kin mother. Thankfully tonight is a full moon, and I love the full moon. I was going to light a candle to honor the full moon, but I can't figure out where the right candle is, I think I'll just do the second best and go out in a few. Also I did a tarot reading. My cards where so happy to get out of the box it was almost sad. They just about hugged me, in all their feline glory. There's nothing quite like kitty hugs or baby hugs, and she's got the energy of a slinky cat with a luxurious silky coat. I asked her her opinion of myself and my husband. She responded about my husband first, describing him as the two of cups, the knight of pentacles and the seven of wands. None of the cards where inverted, and the overall message I got from it was that we have a harmonious relationship, and the current path he is on is going to lead to a very fulfilling marriage. the knight of pentacles especially shows how determined he is to fight to make things work, and the seven of wands shows that he finally has found the path that will lead to our success.

When I continued and asked about myself, the cards told me about myself, and then my brother-in-law. For myself, I had the very awkward combination of the three of swords, and the six of pentacles. The three of swords, I would imagine is more symbolic of the stress I encounter at work. It's not that my customers are aggravating, though there are the few exceptions, but my co-workers who are causing me to loose my cool at work. However, on a bit of meditation, the core of what she wanted me to see was the six of pentacles, which shows me as a motherly cat-woman with all of her little furbabies. The overall message I got from that was I am very tough and argumentative when pressed, but underneath I am really more or less a giant teady bear.

Then my cards went on to comment on my brother-in-law, who was described as the six of cups and the high priestess. Though he's got some regrets in his life, he's still got a lot going for him. He defiantly dose not wear his emotions on his sleeve. Honestly his one of my best friends here so far, and one of the mos sympathetic family member I've got.

In any case, it is near 12Am where I am and it is time to let the cards sleep, or make them let me sleep. Off to see the beautiful full moon before I pass out. Blessed Be and see you all later.

Shilo