Finding the peace in the chaos

Having my hours cut at work, though it may prove to be one of the worst things that could have happened, also could prove to have a 'silver lining'. Through all of the free time that I know find myself with I have the opportunity to actually pursue some of my other plans for careers, and maybe I will even be able to finish up the degree I so would like. In the storm of learning about not only my new, much diminished hours but that it was due to my difficulty in finding a babysitter rather than my ability or inability to actually preform at work I will admit to being devastated. My son sat in my lap and I played with his beautiful red hair as I tried to reconcile what was going on. I was being punished, or at least that is the only thing I could understand the new hours as, but for difficulty in finding a babysitter, my life outside of work rather than in response to something that I had done on the job site or at work that would effect my ability to be productive. To me this is a blow to my ability to care for my family of one beautiful baby and one paranoid cat, something that deeply hurt. However through the hurt, I have found the ambition to take my attention back to the things that I can do to help calm the storm. I have always been raised to be proactive and consciously attempt to do my part in making myself a contributing member of a family as well as to make the world a better place. I often feel out of control, and since I have always had a bit of an issue understanding people and their basic motives and motivations I am often at the short end of a stick in conflict. I like to rationalize and reason through issues, while most people seem to want to mainly use an emotional argument and fight for status in a social group. The back stabbing, infighting and general gossip has always had me a bit confused. I simply don't quite see the overall benefit that these things would have, though I could probably figure out exactly how they started (more or less in terms of evolution). To me, it is now more about us thriving than simply elevating my status in a group. Trying to get through all of this drama, I am also studying Buddhism. I don't consider it a real change in faith, though I will say it might be, as much as a change in perspective. From my very limited understanding of Buddhism it is essentially an attempt to see the world as it really is, while bringing peace and eliminating suffering in practical ways. From the little I have read, the Buddha was a very practical man as well as being intelligent and disciplined. I hope to learn more effective ways to control anxiety and keep the chaos of this world from driving me crazy. I will try to keep this blog up to follow that,and other interesting things that I do. See you all about BB, Shilo.